Until I saw the face of a tiny angel on March 31^st.

Tiny little smile with hands and feet kicking

Beautiful blue eyes with an innocent heart ticking.

I took one look into this beautiful girls soul

And instantly my heart is what this little girl stole.

I wanted to hold this fragile little baby

But I was scared and a little overwhelmed just maybe.

I’ve never seen a baby born before that made me feel so warm

With one little glance this little girl calmed my inner storm.

Little did I know that someone so small and tiny like a feather

Could smile so large, wrap up a family, and draw them closer together.

Each day there after I grew closer and closer to her

Almost shed a tear as my sister asked me to be the God Father.

It was at my Grandmothers viewing and I can’t describe how it felt

All I can say is that I loved my sister that much more as my heart melt.

Here I am with little Maddie over a year old now

And no one can look at her smile and respond without a WOW.

It’s actually really hard to believe that over a year has passed

But I guess time flies by fast when you have a reason for your smile to last.

I just hope that being the Godfather I can fill those large shoes

My sister must believe it because she was the one to choose.

Little Maddie I promise I will be there for you through every moment I can

I will gladly take this job and you can write my occupation in pen.

All I ask for in return is for you to give me that beautiful smile

That brings me more joy then water in the Nile.

You will see my face at every event that is important to you

I will get you ice cream and pray with you when your feeling blue.

I will do my best to spoil you with love but help raise you up right

On the drop of a dime I would fight to show the world your light.

And occasionally read to you after I wrap you up tight.

All I want one day is to be a father of my own

But as for now you are the closest to that feeling that I have been shown.

And if by some terrible chance being a father is something I never get to do

I know now that through this life I will always share that feeling with you.

It seems now that these days I can’t thank God enough

For giving me a little angel after times that were tough.

Its almost as if your smile will be my constant reminder

Of the time that God decided to look at my life and be a little kinder.

I wish words could describe how powerful your impact is on us all

But as far as me…..you helped me stand when I wanted to fall.

So always know in your little head that you will never be a bother

And since day one I knew….that I was made to be your Godfather.

JD Miller

05/15/2010

Age 22

Eyes start to flutter open and my brain is in a swirl

Daddy Daddy!! Is all I hear from the sound of a little girl. 

I begin to come to and realize I’m in an unfamiliar bed 

I’m starting to think that I must have really hit my head. 

It is perfect temperature and the sun is hitting my face 

It’s all different but I feel I really like this place. 

As I begin to sit up I see a gorgeous little girl run into the room 

She runs straight to the bed, jumps on me, and yells BOOM!! 

Good morning Daddy!! Too much sleep mister and you will waste your day! 

I get so overwhelmed with what’s happening that I don’t even know what to say. 

She says, “Mommy is making pancakes and she already burned one!” 

Then she leans over and kisses me and says, “Today is gunna be so much fun!!” 

My heart drops, smacks, and hit’s the floor, as she trots out the bedroom door 

Happiness begins to flow out from every pore, heart rate climbs up four times more. 

I take a really deep breath and try to make sense of any of this 

What did I miss? And more importantly who just gave ME an “I love you daddy kiss?” 

So I begin to walk downstairs and the smell of breakfast hits me like mace 

My senses are all stronger and just in case, I smack myself in the face. 

Nope, I’m still here. Why does this all feel so real? 

Instantly, I get overwhelmed at the thought of who might be cooking this meal. 

Before I can take my next step I hear a familiar squeal, kind of a barking sound 

Barreling around the corner is HERCULES, the lost dog that I found. 

I reach down and scoop him up as to say, “Thank God, that’s a familiar nose.” 

I put him back down and he shows off his Mighty Hercules pose. 

I continue my surreal adventure and head towards the cooking smell of heaven 

A boy, maybe 6 is playing a video game. “Dad!! I made it to level eleven!!” 

I instantly say,” You have to be kidding me! I tried and only made it to level seven!!” 

My jaw drops to the ground! I didn’t even know what I was talking about! 

It was like I was somewhat familiar with this route, I instinctively knew what to shout. 

He says, “ Well dad that’s why old people shouldn’t play a kids game.” 

I say, “ Well squirt at one point your old man wasn’t so lame.” 

He quickly replies with, “ I was just teasin dad! Your not old until your grey.” 

I say, “ Well thanks champ! Lets hope for your moms sake the dark is here to stay.” 

He lets off a sly chuckle and I precede towards the kitchen 

At this point I’m thinking that my mind must be glitch in. 

Through the door I can hear two ladies laughing their heads off 

I slowly open the door and to make my presence known, let off a little cough. 

Anticipation in this new life is so thick that you could cut it with a knife 

Two seconds turns into an eternity while I look up to see what lady is my wife. 

Instantly disappointment engulfs me with what was my one big fear 

I struggle to hold back a frustrated tear because her face is completely unclear. 

But even though I cannot actually see her face to a Tee 

I seem to know deep down inside, that she is beautiful to me. 

At this point I don’t want to leave this new way to live 

Taking this away after a little taste would be hard to forgive. 

But of course things turn dark and this family stands still 

My daughter says, “ Sorry daddy this was just a cheap thrill.” 

Happiness begins to fall, their faces turn empty and dull 

The soft music begins to fade and paint starts to melt off the wall. 

Then my daughter says,” Bye daddy!!…Bye.. Bye.. Byep.. BEEP!.. BEEP!!.. BEEP!!!.” 

I jump up out of my bed, heart rate is really steep and my breaths are really deep. 

I wake to hear children’s laughter singing and my alarm clock ringing 

The laughter is fading ,my heart is stinging, to this dream my soul is clinging. 

I quickly glance over at the clock and it reads 4:44. 

What was this dream for!! Is it what’s in store? Or just some other life’s tour? 

Reality smacks me in the face using my life as it’s hand 

You have to go to work JD, roll over, get up, and stand. 

One day your time will come for this dream to be true, just cross your fingers 

Even in reality the pungent smell of that dreams breakfast lingers. 

As for now your life is like the alarm clock, on and on it tics. 

Say goodbye sweet dream because you have to be at work at 6. 

By: JD Miller

1/19/10 Age 22

       Hello up there my name is Timmy and I am seven

My mommy says this is how I phone call you in heaven.

She says if I am scared and I need something that I have to pray

But I don’t think you can really hear everything I say.

Anyway, I thought I would give this praying thing a little try

Something is happening to my dad that makes me really cry.

You see he is my bestest friend and his name is Steven

My mommy keeps telling me that soon he will be leaven.

Every time I ask her where he is going and for how long

Her eyeballs tear up but then she pretends that nothings wrong.

Sometimes I hate being really young and little

Grown ups think everything that happens is like a riddle.

I just know that it is something bad, I just don’t know what

When I pray do I really have to keep both eyes shut?

So the other day I heard the doctor say he had cancer in his head

Tonight I asked mommy what cancer was when she tucked me into bed.

She got this really worried look and her face turned super red

I said, ”You say daddy is leaving, does that mean he is gunna be dead?”

Then she cried really hard because I think I got it right

Next thing I know she is squeezing me really super tight.

Not much else was said until I really had to fall asleep

I pretended I wasn’t awake and didn’t make a peep.

I just wanted her to think that everything was okay,

So that I could have some time for me and you to pray.

So really I just want to say that I need my dad to stay

Even if I may, just ask for extra time to play.

I don’t understand why you don’t just fix him and keep him here

If you are so good and this is so bad…..your just not being clear.

I really think that this cancer thing is something really dumb

When I look at daddy his face looks really numb.

Please do what you can to help my dad in anyway

I understand if you have to take him away, but I’d rather that he stay.

He always tells me that I’m tough and I shouldn’t be scared

What do I do without him though? Everything we shared.

I just know that nobody in a million years, will ever take his place

He didn’t even yell at me that time I broke my mommys vase.

Pretty much all I want is for YOU to take care of him

That is really all I have left to say….Oh and remember this is Tim

By: JD Miller

01/07/2010

Lets get it kick started, there’s nothing to fear!! Pop the clutch and throw her in gear.

Year after year things always end up lame, mirror to mirror every year is the same

What is the reason these years are so tame? My final answer is that I’m to blame.

So Erik apologize to JD for doing him wrong, we have been messing up all along

All of those other years we just didn’t belong, all out of tune like an unpleasant song.

It’s time to get yourself back on track, that’s right as a matter of fact

I found out what it is that I lacked, and its all pretty much in the way I act.

I’m done with being down and pitying myself, cause I can do better

I’m not bitter so pass on the Swiss and hand me the cheddar.

So let me say cheers to all of my earthly peers

Wipe off your tears and hang up your fears

I know many of you that are going through something really rough

You feel really weak over stupid stuff, but straighten up! I know your tough.

Leave your worries and sadness back in 2009

It’s a new year don’t let it cross that line.

I plan to start the year off right by letting go of my troublesome past

I would like to personally broadcast that it’s time to have a blast.

Life is seriously short people and we all need to realize this

I’m tired of worry after worry, fuck it and live in bliss.

Sitting around hoping for something to happen isn’t gunna make it

You want something better for your life? Then reach out and take it.

So I say to you and I say to me, lets bump up the pace

Cause life is a big race, and its time to high five it in the face.

Say YES to more opportunities and stop settling for less

Straighten up your mess and push away from stress.

I’ve spent 22 years of my life worried about something everyday

All that does is open a way to have a head full of grey.

So I’ve decided I’m done with all of the over thinking

If added up I probably do it more than blinking.

Hopefully I go through with everything I’ve typed for a while

You will be able to tell judging by the size of my smile.

So come on people let’s get silly, dance around foolishly, and give thumbs up

Make stupid cheesy smiles, give excessive hugs, and sink that last pong cup.

WOW, Would you look at that!! I actually am writing something that isn’t depressing

In other words I’m happy with my life and positivity is what I’m confessing.

Take this as some little advice to maybe help your life for the better

Or maybe it’s simply just JD writing Erik an anti-worry letter.

By: JD Miller

01-06-10

1^st 2010 Post

By: JD Miller
10/19/09  Age 22

Knock..Knock…KNOCK like natures alarm clock to let you know that your not dead. 

Eyes crusted shut, my sweat is dripping, all I hear is the fan spinning 

My mind hits pause, rewind to last nights beginning. 

I try to think at what point did it all go black 

Maybe after the unnecessary third shot of jack. 

Well damn man your stomach was empty you should have had some food 

Well I’m sorry fucker I was drinking, I wasn’t in the mood. 

I finally open my eyes, take a look around and what do I see 

Nothing, but my idle life passing by. . . . . right next to me. 

Oh shit I was drunk, who did I send a text to 

So I role over to grab my phone that I’m layin next to. 

BAM instant flashback of a bottle of Patron 

Damn phones in a spot to remind me that I’m all alone. 

Oh god why would I send a text to her, now I feel all sorts of dumb 

Feeling all out-of-place like Captain Morgan without his rum. 

Oh how I wish that text could just be lost in space 

Mind curious what expression was on her face. 

Oh well fuck it, everything could be worse 

At least I’m not waking up in a hospital next to a nurse. 

Why does a night of so much fun have to turn into this 

Feeling like shit, with flashbacks of memories that I miss. 

So I take a deep breath and wipe the sweat from my brow 

You can’t go back JD, the past is dead and the present is now. 

But damn what happened to the last 3 years? 

You drown them out with one too many beers. 

I didn’t mean too, I just like to have fun and drink a little 

I didn’t think it would leave me lost, confused, and stuck in the middle. 

I have so many options, so many choices to make 

At the point in my life that I gotta decide what road I wana take. 

I know I need to have a better career and try to find a girl that’s not fake 

But it’s hard to find that one, that you instantly picture her face covered in wedding cake. 

I’m tired of things looking up and then back down to being stuck in these ruts 

Where is the right girl? I feel like she is hiding behind a cloud of sluts. 

When I find one that I like, she leaves me with a big grin 

But then it turns around and I’m rubbing the hairs on my chinny chin chin. 

She says, “JD you’re a good guy, you deserve a good girl.” 

Well I like you and that line makes me wana hurl. 

I have met some really great girls that do deserve the best 

But something doesn’t fit and I tend to fuck it up. . . Just like the rest. 

I know I’ll find that piece of the puzzle that makes everything start to fit 

Life’s tough, It doesn’t begin with a “Follow This Road” starter kit. 

-JD Miller

08/14/09

By: JD Miller
4/22/09